I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
