It's Friday. Sex?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
