So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
