I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
