Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
