I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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