i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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