im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She bit a glass in half.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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