My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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