My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
