i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
