Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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