News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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