The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dick very happy bro
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
