you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
