Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
