She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
