those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
