Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
