I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
