I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dignity is for republicans.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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