He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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