Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
