I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
