Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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