if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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