Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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