Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
