I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
