You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
