Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
