Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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