we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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