We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
