Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
third nipple confirmed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
