If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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