I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
