After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I just put wine in my tea
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
