ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
