Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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