Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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