new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
