I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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