My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
