the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
