When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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