Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
