it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
