I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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