Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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