I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
