oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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