Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
