mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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