I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
