Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
