at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
