You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
